I spoke in a ward a week after mother's day, and was telling LM about the talk. She said I should write it out on my blog. I'm not sure how well a sacrament meeting talk (especially one I didn't have written out very well) will transfer into a blog, but here goes:
When president Kennedy was buried, his wife requested that an eternal flame be placed on his tomb similar to the flame of remembrance at the tomb of the unknown soldier in France. The concept of an eternal flame is the same as that of the Olympic flame, usually a propane fueled flame that is meant to stay burning through difficult weather conditions. The eternal flame does actually go out from time to time, however it is constructed with an ignitor that sparks when the flame dies out so that it starts again. It makes the flame appear eternal when it actually dies out momentarily, but it is sparked back immediately.
On Mother's day as I sat in church, I listened to our ward primary sing a selection of primary songs and was reminded of the song about mother's that always reminds me of my mom. "I often go walking" is a song most of you are familiar with but the words of the second verse hit me with an unusual understanding of their meaning as I pondered them. "O mother I give you my love with each flower to give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through; for if I love blossoms and meadows and walking, I learn how to love them, dear mother from you". This verse talks about a lifetime of sweet fragrance and a legacy of love. An eternal flame, our flame of remembrance was lit by our mothers. During our formative years she sheltered and protected that flame and when we are older that spark that keeps our flame burning comes from the things our mothers taught us.
I have been richly blessed with many wonderful mothers and mother figures in my life. The things they have taught me are like the spark on the flame of remembrance. My own mother helped me build the housing for my flame and when it starts to dim from the stormy weather in my life I remember the things she taught me and am able to keep going.
My Mom was a quirky little thing...and I do mean little. She was only 5'4" and looked even smaller next to me. Not everything she taught me was exactly accurate but as irrational as I know it is I still hold on to these things because of her conviction. I know for a fact that popping my knuckles won't give me arthritis, but I can't help but think it just might every time I pop them anyway. I know my eyes won't stay crossed if I cross them too much but just in case... I have a mega phobia about my food touching and I'm pretty sure I got this from watching my mom eat the grossest food combinations you can imagine. She used to put all sorts of gross non mixies in her juicer and then proceed to drink the glop. She was the ultimate recycler, living by the words "use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without. When she had lengthened my pants as far as they would go, when they needed more she would sew a band of fabric at the bottom (not as stylish as I would have hoped). She saved every plastic container she ever got. I also learned that guilt is actually a handy parenting tool. I used to get so frustrated at how guilty she would make me feel, but as parent I totally understand. I have learned that if it gets the job done, it's all good.
However, the lessons about how to be a good mother, a good member of the church, to love myself as I am, and that God loves me, are the real truths that have stuck with me and ignite the flame constantly. My Mom was crippled with Rheumatoid Arthritis from the time I was 7 or 8 years old. Physically her body was battered and gnarled, but I think her spirituality was enhanced kind of like a person who is blind has a more enhanced sense of hearing. Bear with me as I share a few of the things I learned from her.
I grew almost 10 inches from the start of my 9th grade year until the end of my 10th grade year. Needless to say, I couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time. I was left a gawky awkward thing who always felt out of place. In other words I wasn't exactly thrilled with my new found height. My Mom used to take her gnarled little knuckle and dig it into the small of my back and tell me to stand up tall. She also told me that she had always wanted to be tall, and how lucky I was to be so tall. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but now her words are a daily reminder to me to be proud of who I am. I do stand tall now.
My Mom took us to church every Sunday. She felt pretty lousy sometimes, but going to church wasn't an optional activity for her. This example has carried through to her posterity. She taught us to keep the Sabbath day holy.
When i read about Sariah in first Nephi I think of my mom. My mom was a worry wort and I'm pretty sure Sariah was too. Both women had plenty to worry about. My mom, like Sariah had many children and often had to raise them in strange and difficult circumstances. My father was LT. Colonel in the Air Force and she raised us literally all over the globe, and often alone as my father was stationed somewhere the family couldn't go. i saw her stress and worry when we would make poor choices. She never gave up on us or considered any of us a lost cause. The important lesson I learned from her, in my words, through her example is, "you take what you get and you don't throw a fit". She never complained about the constant agony she was in. She learned to adapt her skills to accommodate her disability. She and my father were able to serve a mission which was something she had never dreamed of. We all thought for sure they would be sent somewhere warm since the cold weather made her condition so much worse. but they were sent to the Peter Whitmer farm in upstate New York. We thought she would feel better, but she felt worse. What she was blessed with, was the knowledge that she had something to offer no matter the limitations of her body.
I learned form her not to complain, to take what the lord has given me and run with it. I was able to hold my mother's hand as she slipped the surly bands of this earth. As hard as this was, because she had taught me from the time I was very small that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us, I knew that her death was not the end of her journey. What a tremendous privilege it was to be with her as she continued on this journey.
My mother in law was another little itty bitty woman with a great big influence in my life. More sparks to keep my flame burning bright. She didn't have any daughters, Brian is one of three sons. I was to her from the moment I met her, and true and real daughter. The love and devotion Ruth felt for Naomi I felt for her. it was truly a gift the had to make me feel like a part of her family. Of all the sparks she has added to my life, the greatest one is the spark of remembrance I feel when I see my husband working hard, being a great father, and in general being the kind of man she raised him to be. That spark reignites my flame when I am tired and out of patience, to work a little harder and give a little more.
I learned from her to be selfless and never ceasing in giving service to my family and to others. Ruth's great tribute to her mother in law speaks to my love for my sweet mother in law: "for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God". I also learned from her that a couch is called a Davenport, that margarine used to be called oleo (a trend I would like to revisit, I really like the sound of the word "Oleo"), and that she couldn't say jalepeno. Big important sparks and silly little sparks, but sparks nonetheless. When she and my father in law were taken from us I was so grateful that she through her example taught me so much about compassion and forgiveness.
After my mom died, my dad was blessed to meet and marry another wonderful woman who is a great example of mothers and has added many sparks to my flame. Elaine had already been widowed twice before, and marrying a 78 year old man with prostrate cancer wasn't exactly a good risk, but I am so happy she did risk it. She has filled a void in my children's life and been a wonderful grandmother, and she puts up with my dad which is no small task. She also taught me that the guilt skill comes with mothering.
My friends, my sisters, my daughters, all add sparks to my flame. There was a time in my life when I don't necessarily appreciate my mom as much as I should. When I expected more than I should and gave her credit for less. My hope as you read this is that you will think of all the sparks your mothers, and those who serve as motherly influences in yoru life, and thank your Heavenly Father for giving them to you. I asked a few of my children if they could tell me something they learned from me. I mostly expected answers like "don't put your bicycle anywhere near Mom's car", or "don't put spaghetti down the disposal". The answers I got were actually quite astonishing to me because they were things that I learned from my mothers...Alex said she learned that I am always right! I know, who would have thought? But what she meant was, if I tell her to bring a jacket somewhere and she doesn't she always regrets it, if I ask her to do something and she ignores me, I am usually right in the end. Scott told me that he learned form me that life isn't fair, but that it always works out in the end. And Courtney said something much along that line, that even when really bad things happen, there is something good to find in it. This optimism is something that comes directly from my mom. Courtney cannot remember my mom, she died when Courtney was only one, and yet Court has a piece of her. A spark from her.
So if you love flowers and meadows and walking, if you love the gospel and tatertot casserole and camping. If you love gardening and cross stitch and wheel of fortune...we have so much to be grateful for. That our Heavenly Father in his infinite wisdom gave us mothers so that we could learn love from them. Keep your flame of remembrance burning bright by constantly reigniting it.
